law of attraction


I recently went through a break-up that was pretty tough (what break-up isn’t?) and naturally I went through the gamut of emotions that women go through when they have to make a hard decision for their own happiness. Naturally, my ex has been (and been called) everything but a child of God in my eyes, and I probably (oh who am I kidding? I definitely) said some real jacked up stuff to and about him. I’ve had to do my fair share of apologizing because my temper isn’t always what I want it to be.

See, when I fell in love, because it had been so long since I’d been in a relationship, I really romanticized a lot of things that shouldn’t have been looked at through rose-colored glasses. One of my worst habits can be seeing the best in people when I ought to be seeing the truth. And when the cold hard truth hit me, it jarred me out of my fantasy. Do you know what jarring a writer out of a fantasy is like? Let’s just say, I’d recommend that you never do it. It’s much like waking a sleepwalker or a bear…it could be dangerous!

But one of the many lessons that my break-up taught me is that we can’t go around living in fantasies our whole lives. Nope, not even writers. I needed that wake-up call no matter how much it hurt. When forced to confront and either accept or walk away from his flaws in order to facilitate my healing process and love myself the way I needed to, I also had to confront my own flaws. And guess what I learned? I learned that I’m not perfect. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, right? But alas, I’m not perfect. And neither is he. And sometimes I was pressuring him to be perfect the same way I pressure myself to be perfect from time to time. And in both cases it wasn’t cool. And in both cases, I had to cut the guilty parties a little slack.

We all have flaws. That’s what makes us special. Our flaws are the things that endear those that are truly meant to be in our lives to us (well some of those flaws anyway!). Now, I’m not suggesting that we don’t do the physical work and the soul work we were put on earth to do under the guise that nobody’s perfect so we may as well not even try to be. We should always strive for self-improvement. But we should definitely give ourselves a break from time to time. Unconditional love for ourselves can help us to love others the way they need to be loved, instead of the way we want to love them. Now that’s what I’m talking about! Love-fest!

So go ahead, embrace your flaws. Those stretch marks, crows feet, under-eye bags, saddlebags, emotional bags, heck even your fake designer bags (you’ll get real ones one day when it won’t break your bank). Who are you trying to be perfect for? Some people will never be satisfied, but God will always love you just as you are. And once you’re there (and I mean only once you are there), try and embrace a flaw or two of someone else. This doesn’t mean you have to accept bad treatment, disrespect or completely absolve someone of all wrong-doing; but in accepting that others aren’t perfect, what you’re really doing is taking a load off of yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy, and when you compare your expectations of someone to their own expectations of how they should live, disappointment is sure to follow. And who wants to stay in a state of disappointment and anger just because someone else has flaws. Aren’t their flaws their problem? You don’t have to make them your problem! Accept the fact that no one and no situation is perfect and situations and people will be flawed. Chances are those flaws won’t kill you and you’ll learn a thing or two and come out on the other side a better person.

Now in true DJ fashion, you know I’ve gotta leave you with a lil something to get you going on that journey of self-love and self-acceptance that will  undoubtedly improve all of your relationships. And remember, nobody’s perfect. Nope, not even Beyonce.

It’s the greatest love of all! At least that’s what Whitney Houston belted out in her eponymous rendition of the song that is synonymous with self-love.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve walked through a great deal of my life with rose colored glasses on. I’m the eternal optimist, the girl who sees the good in everyone and everything. It’s a great trait to have at times, but I have to admit that it may actually have been a fault of mine. Sometimes I see good that isn’t there, and sometimes I operate under the assumption that the people in my life love themselves. I mean, who doesn’t love themselves, right?

Image result for i hate myself gif

Well, I’ve come to learn as I’ve grown older that a lot of people don’t (and from the looks of the gif above, I should have realized that around the the tenth time I saw “The Breakfast Club”!) It’s sad, but it’s a fact of life that I’ve had to come to grips with. There are some people who hate themselves so much that they can’t help but be toxic in the lives of others. Their communication style is poisonous; they don’t know how to listen or speak, and frequently shut people out as punishment and never truly working at joint problem solving. They don’t know how to give love or receive it so they aren’t good at keeping sincere, close relationships. And they often blame everyone else for the bitterness and misery that they find in their lives instead of analyzing themselves and changing their own behaviors.

Perhaps you aren’t quite this far gone and you aren’t what people would call miserable or bitter, but maybe you battle with self-confidence or self-esteem issues. You let people take advantage of you and mistreat you and use you because you want acceptance and love, and you’ll sacrifice the acceptance and love that you have for yourself in order to find it somewhere else. That’s no way to live.

At the heart of the matter, it’s probably safe to say that we all battle with treating ourselves like the royalty that we are from time to time. But there’s hope for all of us.

Try incorporating these 3 simple things into your life.

  1. Write yourself a love letter. Yeah it sounds cheesy, but what’s the harm in a little cheese? Tell yourself all the things you admire about you, the things you might be dreaming of hearing from someone else. Write how much you appreciate your own uniqueness and inner (and outer) beauty. Do this any time you need to boost your spirits.
  2. Start a cleanse. Detox your body from the inside out. Eliminate processed and fast food and eat sensibly. Try a raw diet. Do something radical (but HEALTHY) with your diet. Drink lots of water. Literally flush your body of bad things and fill it with good things. Love the temple that you’ve been blessed with. You might decide to make the lifestyle changes permanent.
  3. Pamper the skin you’re in. Rub yourself down in shea butter or coconut oil with loving strokes. Speak kindly to your body, telling it that you’re grateful for the role it plays in your life. For example, as you slather your legs, thank them for taking you where you need to go. As you moisturize your hands, thank them for the work that they do preparing meals, caring for your family, doing the work at your job, etc. Basically, love yourself up while rubbing yourself down. I’m not saying to take it “there” but if that’s where it goes, so it goes!

I have loads more tips and life hacks on how to love yourself so fiercely that you completely change your life, and will be sharing them LIVE on Periscope on Monday, March 27 at 6 PM, CST. There’s also going to be a ton of good stuff in my upcoming book Queening – A Guide to Treating Yourself like Royalty and Radically Changing Your Life. Make sure to add me on Periscope and join in, and if you’re busy then, you can catch me pon de replay.

During the next couple of days, things are going to be quite active in outer space. Some of you are wondering what the heck I’m getting at, LOL, and that’s okay. I’m going to explain.


Tonight is a full moon, and through parts of tonight and tomorrow, there’s a green comet blazing through the sky (the New Year’s Comet or Comet 45P), and there will be a penumbral lunar eclipse, which means the Sun, Earth, and the Moon will align in an almost straight line (learn more about exactly what that means here). But what else does that mean besides the fact that things will look like the set up to a perfect trick shot on a pool table in the sky?


It means that it’s the perfect time to invoke change, growth and spiritual transformation in your life!

The lunar eclipse, the full moon and the comet mean that the sky is going to be pretty active, even if we can’t see it. And I believe, like many, that as above, so below. So if the stars and planets are doing a special dance in the sky, that means things are going to get shaking here on earth. Let’s break that down a little more.

Comets are really interesting. Comets always get people up in arms. Will it hit us? Miss us? Is it a sign from God of a bad omen or a good one? Is the world going to end? We really have no way of knowing (well, there’s NASA but you know what I mean, right?) so I don’t particularly like to focus on that. I don’t like to get too easy to get caught up in doom and gloom. But one of the most fascinating things about comets is that they are made up of all the elements (fire, air, earth, and water) existing together and releasing themselves in various ways and at various times. Dust combines with ice and gas and is then combusted by fire and everything releases into the atmosphere.


(Comet 45 P)

So I like to think of comets as a method of release, of letting go of things that are frozen inside, things that are dusty, things that drown us and things that set us on fire. We can release it into the ether and let the bad go and allow the good to manifest. We can literally set the skies on fire with our power, ideas, dreams and light!

And that leads me to the moon…

This full moon is also in my astrological sign Leo, (for all you Leo’s who want to know how this will affect you, click here) so I’m kinda stoked about that, but even if you aren’t a Leo, this full moon and eclipse can be really special for you.


According to the Farmer’s Almanac, this month’s full moon is called the snow moon or the full hunger moon, because February is usually the month that the most snow falls and is difficult for hunting. But that doesn’t mean that this full moon has to be difficult for you.

The moon represents our inner selves: our emotions, desires, dreams and the person we long to be but can’t always be. When it’s full, sometimes we feel pretty full ourselves. Full moons are a time to unleash those dreams we’ve held inside and let creativity and imagination take over. With the full moon being in Leo, the sign that rules entertainment and creativity, it’s a superb time to let your artistic side loose and use it to make your life better and help make our crazy world a better place. After all, that’s what art and creative manifestations do.

And with a lunar eclipse taking place, now is the time to move past, to literally eclipse ANYTHING that has been holding you back or keeping you in the dark. When you move past something you transform. You change.


So how do you invoke this amazing transformation? Do you let the stars do what they do or are there action steps that can be taken? You already know what I’m going to say, right? Let the stars do what they do but TAKE ACTION!
Reflect. No matter where you are on your journey, look back to see how far you’ve come. You’ve probably done so much to be proud of that you didn’t even realize. Make a list. Journal. And give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve earned it!
Be Grateful. Thank the universe, God and the people in your life who have helped you to get to where you are. Oh, you thought you did it all on your own? Nonsense. You had help. Gratitude is a surefire way to increase the flow of blessings in your life and to vibrate higher.
De-clutter. Clean up a little. Get rid of clothes you don’t need and make room in your closet. Cut off negative people. Been hanging on to a friendship or relationship that isn’t working? Let it go. Getting rid of things (and people) that aren’t useful makes room for new things (and people).
Venture out. Mythology says that the full moon is the time when evil spirits like demons, werewolves and vampires walk the earth. Well grab some Florida water, silver bullets and a garlic necklace and go out anyway. Try something new. Go to a new place. Expand your horizons. If you keep doing the same old thing you’ll never transform.
Strut your stuff! Don’t go out without looking your best. If the moon and the stars are gonna look all fancy, flashy and sparkly, you should too!
Stay POSITIVE! Many believe that full moons magnify the heart’s intentions. If that is the case, why not intend on something wonderful happening? Don’t let whatever’s been getting you down keep you down or worse, magnify! Write down all the wonderful things you’d like to see happen and start working towards them coming true.
Now, I’m gonna hit the gym. I’d better look great for all this magic that’s about to go down!
Enjoy your weekend! I hope something magical happens for you!

Peace & Positive Vibes,

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So folks, we now have a new president elect of the good old U. S. of A and lots of people (myself included) aren’t all that thrilled about it. But what was especially surprising to me was how impactful the results were to some people. I am seeing a lot of really emotional responses (and throwing a few into the atmosphere myself) to the election. All over my various social media timelines were people whose feelings ranged from disappointment, to anger, to hopelessness, to fear, to complete and utter depression. I understand those feelings, so I hope that you understand me when I say that we must not let our emotions get the best of us. We must transform those emotions and that passion we feel into fuel to continue whatever missions we’re on in life.

*in my Iyanla voice* Oh beloveds! I know how difficult this is to process. I know it feels like a giant setback to progress that began 8 years ago. But try to process those emotions quickly and definitely don’t allow who sits in the Oval Office to determine your destiny. Yes, the President and government have a lot of power, but ultimately, you are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul (I taught my students Invictus the other week; it’s still lodged in my brain!). You may be feeling like the progress you or your community made was all for nothing, and you were set back 1000 years. But it is only that way if you let it be.

You see, setbacks and disappointments are often doorways to life’s biggest opportunities. When you don’t get what you want the first time around, you find alternative methods, you become flexible and more creative with problem solving. You find other means to your end. You become more self-sufficient and you also find and bond with those who are meant to be a part of your tribe.

My Uncle, Chief Monroe Smith, always said that when he was told he couldn’t have or do something when he was the fire chief of Compton, that he had the same response: “Don’t tell me what the fuck I can’t do! Tell me what you’re going to do to help me get what I want!” Ah, spoken like a true Smith. We’re a feisty bunch. But we get shit done.

I’m definitely feeling every bit my uncle’s niece right now. Don’t tell me what I’m going to lose or how I’m going to hurt or suffer because of the regime change. Don’t you dare put that evil on me Ricky Bobby! Speak life over my life, not doom and gloom! Tell me what you can do, what we can do to make things better.

Do you truly want change, or just to wallow in unhappiness and dissatisfaction? If you aren’t happy with something, you can either complain, or you can mobilize and continue fighting to make a difference. I think that the latter option is the better one.

Life isn’t over today, regardless of who won, not if you’re reading this. So if you’re alive, commit to making a difference in the ways that you can and connect with people who can help you. Don’t give up fighting for justice (or peace-ing for justice), don’t give up hope, don’t give up on life or on love.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

What are you waiting for?

Do something wonderful and don’t let anyone stop you!

Normally, I am waaayyyy too vain to allow anyone to see me in this state! I have HUGE bags under my eyes, not a lick of makeup on and my hair is a mess. I’ve been sweating and I have on a Planet Fitness t-shirt. Not one of my finer moments! But I’m not a get-cute-to-work-out kind of girl! (I always feel like those girls are trying way too hard and doing way too little working out, but to each their own, right?) And that’s what I had just finished doing.

I filmed this video on Tuesday at an ungodly hour, before heading to work at the University, but I’m posting it today, on Saturday morning, at what’s kind of an ungodly hour, at least for a Saturday. And I’m doing so purposefully and not because of procrastination, because I’m trying to make a point.

When you’re aiming for success, sometimes you have to work while others sleep. You have to toil away while everyone else is guzzling Bloody Marys and Mimosas at brunch. Because you have a dream, a vision. And dreams and visions are nothing without action. You have to see what you want then ACT to create it. And the action doesn’t always take place at a convenient time. Some sacrifice has to happen – not forever, but for a while (but that’s a story for another post). The work seems especially hard when you’re focused on building a solid foundation, but that’s when it’s most important. You have to keep going, even though you’re tired and the results you desire aren’t coming quickly enough. Because that’s the difference between someone who is successful and someone who isn’t: the successful person didn’t give up when the going got tough!

So yes, it’s Saturday morning, and I’d rather be cuddled up with my man, watching reruns of bad reality TV and stuffing my face with leftover food to nurse a slight hangover, because that would mean that I didn’t spend Friday night on a date with my laptop instead of my baby. But I’ve got some goals that aren’t going to achieve themselves, so I’ve got to put in this work! I’ve got to sweat! And speaking of sweat, I’m off for another run! Something I hate to do, but again, that’s a story for another post.

Happy Saturday!

Peace & Positive Vibes,