I recently went through a break-up that was pretty tough (what break-up isn’t?) and naturally I went through the gamut of emotions that women go through when they have to make a hard decision for their own happiness. Naturally, my ex has been (and been called) everything but a child of God in my eyes, and I probably (oh who am I kidding? I definitely) said some real jacked up stuff to and about him. I’ve had to do my fair share of apologizing because my temper isn’t always what I want it to be.
See, when I fell in love, because it had been so long since I’d been in a relationship, I really romanticized a lot of things that shouldn’t have been looked at through rose-colored glasses. One of my worst habits can be seeing the best in people when I ought to be seeing the truth. And when the cold hard truth hit me, it jarred me out of my fantasy. Do you know what jarring a writer out of a fantasy is like? Let’s just say, I’d recommend that you never do it. It’s much like waking a sleepwalker or a bear…it could be dangerous!
But one of the many lessons that my break-up taught me is that we can’t go around living in fantasies our whole lives. Nope, not even writers. I needed that wake-up call no matter how much it hurt. When forced to confront and either accept or walk away from his flaws in order to facilitate my healing process and love myself the way I needed to, I also had to confront my own flaws. And guess what I learned? I learned that I’m not perfect. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe, right? But alas, I’m not perfect. And neither is he. And sometimes I was pressuring him to be perfect the same way I pressure myself to be perfect from time to time. And in both cases it wasn’t cool. And in both cases, I had to cut the guilty parties a little slack.
We all have flaws. That’s what makes us special. Our flaws are the things that endear those that are truly meant to be in our lives to us (well some of those flaws anyway!). Now, I’m not suggesting that we don’t do the physical work and the soul work we were put on earth to do under the guise that nobody’s perfect so we may as well not even try to be. We should always strive for self-improvement. But we should definitely give ourselves a break from time to time. Unconditional love for ourselves can help us to love others the way they need to be loved, instead of the way we want to love them. Now that’s what I’m talking about! Love-fest!
So go ahead, embrace your flaws. Those stretch marks, crows feet, under-eye bags, saddlebags, emotional bags, heck even your fake designer bags (you’ll get real ones one day when it won’t break your bank). Who are you trying to be perfect for? Some people will never be satisfied, but God will always love you just as you are. And once you’re there (and I mean only once you are there), try and embrace a flaw or two of someone else. This doesn’t mean you have to accept bad treatment, disrespect or completely absolve someone of all wrong-doing; but in accepting that others aren’t perfect, what you’re really doing is taking a load off of yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy, and when you compare your expectations of someone to their own expectations of how they should live, disappointment is sure to follow. And who wants to stay in a state of disappointment and anger just because someone else has flaws. Aren’t their flaws their problem? You don’t have to make them your problem! Accept the fact that no one and no situation is perfect and situations and people will be flawed. Chances are those flaws won’t kill you and you’ll learn a thing or two and come out on the other side a better person.
Now in true DJ fashion, you know I’ve gotta leave you with a lil something to get you going on that journey of self-love and self-acceptance that will undoubtedly improve all of your relationships. And remember, nobody’s perfect. Nope, not even Beyonce.